Tips dating recovering alcoholic
“If the sober person is in early recovery or if the drinker is a problem drinker, the chances for a good dating experience are dim.Though most people won’t wait two years into sobriety to start dating, keep in mind that the smell of alcohol, the taste of a kiss [with someone who’s been drinking], the clinking of ice in the glass, as well as the bar and the bar scene could be triggers.”Irene Carroll, a North Carolina–based addiction therapist, says, “Dating is just so risky for people in early in recovery, especially so if you’re considering going out with someone who isn’t sober. ” Naturally, when going out with someone who drinks, sober people often wonder when and how to reveal the fact that they don’t drink.
In other words, though it’s hard when Hurricane Love sweeps through your life, it’s crucial to keep up the work.This Arizona rehab prescribes high doses of AA meetings and backpacking for young guys who not only need to get sober, but also learn the basics (think cooking and cleaning) of living in the real world.An alternative to 12-step programs, Gulf Breeze Recovery offers panoramic ocean views in a caring and therapeutic environment.“I hung in there for a few more months but the truth is that I really wanted to drink during that time: He and his friends made it look so appealing.If he had just drank the way he wanted to from the get-go, I surely never would have ended up getting in a semi-serious relationship with him.”Hindsight is, of course, 20-20.Carroll offers, “Most alcoholics know places that don’t serve liquor—coffeehouses, museums.
If you’re going out to dinner, it’s okay to wait till you arrive, and when the wine list arrives just say, ‘Nah, I don’t do that anymore.’ Do it casually; whether to go into greater detail or not really depends upon the relationship.”Amy, a 32-year-old stylist who lives in Manhattan and has been sober for 10 years, tells of romancing a particular “normie,” who turned out to be anything but.
“I started dating a guy who told me he didn’t drink,” she recalls.
“We had very civilized, nice dates but, after a while, I started to catch onto the fact that he really did drink—he was just trying to control his drinking and never indulged around me.
The rules of dating had shifted completely since I was a young lass and, without the social lubricant of martinis or wine, my old-school M. of getting wasted and ending up in bed with a cute guy from the party clearly wasn’t an option. Insensitive, I have gone on hundreds of dates—a handful with guys from the rooms but mostly online finds, generally social drinkers. So I decided to look into what’s worked for other sober folks, and to see what experts had to say about the matter of dating in recovery.
cautions that relationships are “the number one relapse trigger” so it’s first important to take the time to “heal yourself first.” Faulkner’s healthy-dating-in-sobriety checklist is key: “You should have a solid base of recovery—two years; no relapses; you should have worked the steps; you should be meeting often with your sponsor to discuss dating; and you should regularly be attending your home-group meetings.” She adds, “Both people should attend Al-Anon meetings, too.
As with everything in recovery, you must be open and willing—even if all the advice you get goes against your gut.