Hugs before dating
You don’t see the person as a whole…you see the perfect wedding night/pure marriage you’ll never be able to have if you stay with them. How they treat you, who they are, and how much you enjoy them should be hugely important factors. Some of those other qualities can be even more rare than virginity. But given that the rest of the world is full of one night stands, casual sex, and “hook up culture”, maybe the fact that your girlfriend/boyfriend has only had sex with one other person in the context of a long term relationship (or whatever) isn’t so bad.. Appreciate that in the grand scheme of things, your girlfriend/boyfriend may be much closer to your sincere, genuine idea of sexuality than he/she is to those “other” people’s warped and soulless view of sex.
It’s something that you’re dealing with that is really no fault of their own. Afterall, they were probably expecting to have this conversation with you at some point. It’s like a million, torturous images keep flashing through your head, and your own imagination keeps inventing all new horrors for you. Now, compared to the sexual history of , maybe theirs wasn’t so bad at all. Next to them being gone from your life entirely, this stuff about their past isn’t really a big deal. Note that this point will become instantly and painfully clear when/if you actually do break up.Say these words to them: “I’m sorry, the more I like you it just gets hard for me to think about your sexual past.It’s just been bothering me lately, but I’m working through it.Specializing in stepfamily therapy and education has taught me one thing: Couples should be highly educated about remarriage and the process of becoming a stepfamily before they ever walk down the aisle.Remarriage—particularly when children are involved—is much more challenging than dating seems to imply.Maybe they have slept with a couple of people but only in committed relationships. If you’re a virgin who regularly dates non-virgins, then you’re going to date people who have all kinds of sexual histories.
Maybe they waited for a while but recently started having sex. Some may have balance factors, and some may be completely unbalanced with you (read: lots of torrid sexual history, compared to you).
If you’re dating somebody who’s accustomed to having sex in relationships, don’t forget the sacrifice they’re making to wait Mike handles all of the programming and design work for
Although he still writes the occasional article, he spends most of his time these days creating new site features and keeping everything organized.
In a way, it feels like they cheated on you (and you can’t get it out of your head).
Unfortunately for them, they didn’t cheat on you, but they get treated as if they did.
Keep that attitude and they’ll be able to help you through it and probably ease a lot of your concerns. You keep picturing your girlfriend/boyfriend having sex with some other person — doing all of the things you’ve waited to do for so long with somebody else, as if it’s nothing — and it’s like knives through your heart. But so much for that, because now they’re gone, and you’re faced with the prospect of dating somebody who was nowhere near as good as them and has a sexual history that is five times as bad. To some people who are waiting till marriage, the virginity-factor can be all-consuming when picking a boyfriend/girlfriend.