Dating for a year and still no i love you
All of this is to say that there are many possible explanations for why your boyfriend has not yet said that he loves you.
Waiting a bit longer to say "I love you" will not harm your relationship, but forcing it too early might.You said in your letter that you want a "verbal commitment"; however, that is not what "I love you" is.Two 14-year-old children can say that to each otherthat doesn't mean they have made a commitment.Those words are certainly very nice to hear, but a real sign of commitment is an engagement ring.If you do become engaged, I would recommend premarital counseling to help you communicate with each other. I guess that’s why I told my wife I loved her on our second date. But it wasn’t that she wasn’t giving me love, it just seemed to come at different times. I don’t think I noticed this consciously for a while. And after each time, there would be this look she would give me. It wasn’t something I could force, just something that would come about as a result of my giving. And how much I’m sure those messages are bouncing around in other people’s heads as well. Living Disney movies in our minds, and tragedies in our lives.
I had tried really hard up to that point to hold it back, honestly. I think part of me recognized that she was much smarter and more modest than me. This fire was burning in me, a fire that burned just like that second date: I was in love. Marriage, quicker than I was ready for, did this thing: it started sucking away that emotion. In other words, it was in the practicality that I found the love I was looking for. That fire I felt, it was simply that: emotional fire. I think that might be a big part of the reason the divorce rate is so high in this country. It’s time that we changed the conversation about love. Because until we do, adultery will continue to be common.
I wanted to tell her on the first date, but I knew that would probably be weird. She kind of gave me this half-shy, half-amused smile. But as time has gone on, I also realized that she knew something that I didn’t. I tried so hard to keep that fire going, to keep that emotion alight, but it got harder and harder. And what was even more interesting was that once I realized this on a conscious level, and started trying to find more opportunities to give, the more we both, almost intuitively, became lovey-dovey. From the excitement of dating a woman I felt like I could marry. Imagine a whole nation of people constantly chasing the emotions they had when they were dating. That’s a recipe for disastrous marriages; for a country with a 50% divorce rate; for adultery (the classic attempt to turn the fire back on); for people who do stay together to simply live functional, loveless marriages. How many people are in pain simply because they’ve been lied to.
Like most Hasidic Jews (we both became religious later in life), our dating period lasted a very short time. I mean, how you can feel that burning love when you’re sitting at the table discussing how to use the last twenty dollars in your bank account? How can you feel it when you think it makes perfect sense to put your socks on the floor after you’re done with them, and she has this crazy idea that they need to go in the laundry basket? And now, as I’m a bit older and a bit more experienced with this relationship, I’ve finally come to realize something.
And even when I let it out of my chest, it wasn’t love. Telling someone you love them doesn’t mean that you do.
pragmatic individual who has a difficult time acknowledging his emotions.
He's not much of a "sweet gestures" kind of guy flowers, cards, and so forth are not quite his speed, although he knows I love that stuff. He has a heart of gold, he's a Christian, close to his family, and a very reasonable man. He is loyal as anything, but just emotionally stunted. I'm definitely excited to meet his family and see what he's like in his home, but what if he never says "the L word"? The timing of saying "I love you" is a very individual thing—one person might be ready after the second date, while another person might not be ready until a year later.