Dating a mother and daughter
To move away from your parents and live your own life is normal, says Bristow.
You need your mother in a supportive, parental role.There’s nothing unhealthy about loving your mum a lot and wanting her around, but you can’t be forever in a child relationship with your parent.” The two notable separation stages during childhood occur in toddlerhood and adolescence, and if this isn’t achieved, she warns, “mother and daughter can be stuck in a perpetual adolescence together.” If it sounds like a recipe for grief, it can be. “She wanted to be close, to be one of the girls, but when I let her, she’d inevitably take over.One “best friend” daughter, Joanne, 38, a PA, from Hull, invited her divorced mother on her hen night, where she (the mother) drank, danced, and smooched the night away. It was like she was the child and I was the parent.It can be a sign that the relationship is strong and can tolerate distance.The question is, is there distance in more ways than one?She needs to live her own life, in her own generation.
You need space in your life for your own partner, and best friend mothers can become jealous of husbands or be too involved.
They go clubbing and shopping together, and every gruesome relationship detail is candidly discussed (even, on occasion, witnessed). Wendy Bristow, a London-based psychotherapist, says: “It’s not particularly healthy to try and be your daughter’s best friend, or to treat your mother as your soul mate.
It suggests you haven’t accomplished the psychological task of separation, which is a crucial part of growing up.
“Our relationship exists in a bizarre kind of process of peacetime, small battles, war,” she said.
“The peacetime is much more than the other two energies, but we have our wars.
To have a fulfilling relationship with your partner, your mother needs to take a supportive back seat in your life.” This daughter tends to call her mother weekly, and probably lives in a different city from her.