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The fight was for equal rights, but the right to assimilate into heteronormative society isn’t a to do so. If I wanted to sleep with you, I made that clear, and 95 percent of the time, we had sex.I’m lonely, and I don’t know what to do.” So I’m not going to pretend that fun, casual sex somehow leads to emotional intimacy.But what I will say is that it gets rid of the “what ifs.” It gets rid of the implicit (and sometimes very explicit) sexual tension that I have with cute guys upon meeting. For me, once you get sex out of the way, it’s then that you can bond.Bisexuals in committed, opposite-gender relationships (including marriages) may very well have arrangements with their partners that allow them to enjoy secondary relationships with members of the same gender."But there’s actually a much simpler, more obvious, and more likely explanation for the reason so many bisexuals wind up in opposite-sex partnerships: The odds fall enormously in their favor." . That said, we have to remember that even within monogamous opposite-sex relationships, if one or both parties identify as bisexual, that partnership doesn’t invalidate anyone’s bisexual identity—after all, we’d never tell a gay man practicing abstinence that he “wasn’t really gay” just because he wasn’t Ultimately, a relationship with a bisexual in it isn’t ever really “straight” anyway—by virtue of the fact that there’s at least one person in there queering the whole thing up.I went on to date a number of trans guys, and in my mind, “bi” was also indicative of a gender binary I didn’t believe existed.
I’ve since come to understand that actually, the “bi” implies attraction not to two genders, but to members of both one’s own and other genders, and that the bisexual umbrella includes a wide rainbow of labels connoting sexual fluidity. Given all that struggle and growth, my current situation might come as a surprise: I’m in a committed, long-term relationship with a cisgender man who identifies as straight—just like a startling majority of other bisexual women.
Although being bisexual doesn’t necessarily mean you’re equally attracted to multiple genders, it does seem feasible that these sorts of concerns could push a person with fluid attractions in the direction deemed more socially acceptable.
Although there’s a dearth of research into whether these factors are actually prompting bisexuals to choose relationships that appear “straight” to the outside world, there’s no shortage of research revealing that bisexuals live under uniquely intense pressures within the LGBTQ community: In addition to facing heightened risks for cancer, STIs, and heart disease, bisexuals also experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse, and are significantly more likely to engage in self-harming behaviors or attempt suicide than heterosexuals, gays, or lesbians.
When I started dating a woman for the first time after years of happily dating men, I had a go-to joke ready for when I was called upon to explain my sexual orientation to the confused: “I’m half gay.
Only on my mom’s side of the family.” I’m one of those people who’d always misguidedly “hated labels,” and I actively eschewed the term “bisexual” for years.
I’ll be real with you: Sex sometimes clouds my judgment. ) But once that post-orgasm clarity hits, and I realize, no, I definitely don’t like this guy as a romantic partner, I can then have a real friendship.