Being white and dating a black man
Black men are my preference, followed closely by other people of the sun.
This tale, among many others, haunts me, because I am the mother of a black son — and I am terrified that my black son will date white women. My mother was very clear about the expectations she had for my brother and myself: she wanted us to keep our home clean, go to school, and, in my brother's case, she wanted him to never, ever bring home a white woman.I will warn him that when it comes time to have children, they might be teased for being biracial.Most of all, I will warn him that there is a great deal of responsibility that comes with being with a black man in this country, and most of the time, love might not be enough to keep a couple together.62 years ago, a 14-year-old black boy walked into a store on a dare.It is those latter reasons, the ones based on fear vs. When I look at my dating choices in context, my exclusive focus on men of color seems limiting and provisional, and more important, at odds with my truth vs. I learned to two-step at a bonfire at someone’s deer lease back in Texas.The Dead’s “Shakedown Street” is one of my favorite songs.In it, there is an imagined scene where Michelle asks why Barack ended things with his college girlfriend, who was white.
His response is something along the lines of: I get that.
Now that I am a mom of a black boy, this conversation about black men dating white women has once again fallen into my lap.
Although my son is only 6 years old and light years away from dating anyone, I know that I will one day have to talk to him about dating and race.
Men who have protected and supported me through some of the darkest days of my life. I might even spend an evening charming some former frat bros at the bar for my personal amusement. It was just there in the back of my mind: I can hang out, work with, live next to and even call white men friends, but I don’t date them. Made me feel a bit hypocritical and narrow-minded, two states I actively work to avoid.
One is named after Nathan Bedford Forrest, a lieutenant general in the Confederate Army. Both are men I would trust to raise and protect my son should the need arise. Or wonder whether Justin Timberlake’s prowess on the dance floor translated into, well, other areas. It was not a hard-and-fast rule, as in: I don’t date white guys.
I will warn my son that if he falls in love with a white woman, he should make sure that she doesn’t refer to herself as colorblind, because to be colorblind or to say that you don’t "see race" is the same thing as saying that you are too uncomfortable with race to confront the baggage that comes along with it.